Expect a Range of Emotions
There is no right way to grieve the loss of your animal. There are common emotions experienced following a loss, however, and emotions may come in waves. You may feel guilt regarding time not spent with the animal, end-of-life decisions, or events leading to the animal’s death. Naturally, sadness is another emotion expected following the loss of your pet since they held incredible meaning in your life. You may be surprised to experience relief or even happiness after seeing your pet no longer suffer--this may also lead to feelings of guilt. Anxiety is also a common response to the loss of your pet, especially if your pet served as a companion or protector. Many other emotions are possible depending on other stressors in your life, prior histories with loss, and the pet’s role in your life.
You May Notice Changes in Your Other Pets
The other animals in your household are also experiencing a loss. You may notice changes in their behaviors as they cope with the loss of their fellow animal. It may help to try to stabilize and maintain your pets on their typical routines and engage them in their favorite activities. Be alert to what your pets are requesting from you during their own potential bereavement, some seek more affection following a loss while others want their space.
Memorialize and Honor Your Pet
Finding a way to memorialize and honor your pet may provide you and your family important closure following the loss and celebrates the meaning they provided to your life. Some people find it helpful to hold a ceremony or funeral service aligned with their cultural beliefs. Others may prefer to write an obituary for their pet, create a photo album, light memorial candles, memorial table, or plant a memorial tree. Personalize your pet’s memorial to reflect their personality, preferences, your cultural factors, and the role they played in your family.
Avoid Rushing to Replace Your Pet
After the loss of your pet, you may notice profound silence and interruptions in your routine that you may find overwhelming. It is natural to want to fill the void left by your previous pet, but rushing into a new pet may cause feelings of resentment when the new pet has its own personality and behaviors or mask your emotions. Take your time in considering adding a new pet to your family after a loss. Intentionally consider the role you want a new pet to play in your life and ensure you are not still in emotional turmoil before adopting. Consider first volunteering at a local shelter or rescue to heal your connection with animals and give back to your community.
Talking to Children About the Death of Your Pet
You know your children best so deciding how speaking to them about the loss of your pet is a personal choice. Experts recommend you use simple and concrete terms to share the death of a pet, especially since this may be their first experience with death. It may unintentionally cause children distress if they do not learn the truth or misunderstand terms like “loss” and “put to sleep.” Consider your child’s developmental age when communicating with them. Young children may need pictures or play to put their emotions in words and process the significance of the pet’s death. Provide comfort for children who are likely also in pain and include them in the memorial process.
Take Time to Grieve and Release Your Emotions
Pet loss is real loss. Be gentle with yourself and allow yourself intentional time to release your emotions. Holding in your emotions may make them more intense or lead to you releasing them at inopportune times. Some people find it helpful to write a letter to their pet, journal, write poetry or narratives of their loss. There is no set amount of time allotted for grieving, so process your emotions as they come and expect cycles.
Get the Right Support
Pet loss is considered a disenfranchised loss because often there is less acknowledgement, understanding, or support for those grieving their animal. Not everyone appreciates the bond you had with your pet, so seek support from those who may provide you empathy and non-judgmentally listen as you share the story of your pet. Consider joining a pet loss support group, engaging a therapist, speaking with your faith community, or getting peer support from friends who have also survived the loss of a pet.
Engage in Self-Care Practices
When you experience a loss, it may influence all aspects of your wellness. A critical part of healing is coping with the distress that follows to stay resilient. Immediately after the loss, ensure you are eating, drinking water, and taking your prescribed medications. Try exercising, mindfulness strategies or getting out in nature to cope with feelings of anxiety. Avoid withdrawing by asking a friend to coffee or having family dinner together. Intentionally take breaks at work while you are in the bereavement process to recharge and express emotions.
There is no right way to grieve the loss of your animal, and many find it helpful to seek additional resources to support your coping with the loss. Our animals hold incredible meaning in our lives and there are many ways to honor their memory and a wave of emotional reactions are expected during the bereavement process. If you have concerns that your grieving is impairing your functioning or experiencing intense emotions, please seek guidance from your medical providers.
ASPCA Pet Loss Hotline
(877)-474-3310
Operated from 12:00 p.m. to 12:00 a.m. daily
Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement
Resources and Chat Rooms
Virginia-Maryland Regional College of Veterinary Medicine
(540)-231-8038
The Pet Loss Support Page
Pet Loss Help
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1-800-273-8255
Note: This article is not clinical counseling or psychotherapy and it is not intended to treat any mental-health condition. The commentary offered in this blog may not be appropriate for every person depending on their current needs and individual systems. Please consult a physician or mental-health clinician to seek care for your specific needs and goals. If you are experiencing a medical or behavioral health emergency, please immediately call 911 or present to emergency department, as soon as possible.